Lacking inspiration as I sat down to write this morning I thought I might just ask my friend Google for a topic. I typed in "Elderly Mother". The range of choices that popped up to expand on that phrase were "Elderly Mother of the Bride", "Elderly Mother Depressed", "Elderly Mother of the Bride Dresses" and "Elderly Mother is driving me crazy".
All a bit dismal really. With no weddings coming up and, therefore, no need to peruse the suggestions for finding something appropriate to wear, I skipped those suggestions. Curiosity drove me to click and find out just how elderly mothers might drive their children crazy. Oh dear. My eyes glazed over as a read a LONG post written by a daughter caring for the mother she'd never liked. No inspiration there.
I retyped "Elderly Mother" and began to type "D". The list of choices was "Depressed", "Demanding", "Demented", "Dependent", "Difficult". Not the mood I'm in right now. I have a busy day ahead. I don't want to start the day by dragging myself through the mire of someone else's struggles. It made me wonder what would pop up under other letters. I didn't stop to find out. That's how the internet eats time.
I simplified the search. I typed "Elderly Mother" and found a treasure. Written with grace, not anger or resentment, was a piece in the Chicago Tribune about the writer's change of role from daughter to mother and her mother's change from mother to daughter as the mother ages. Dementia was part of it, but not the whole. Learning to love was at the heart of it. You can read it here.
She made me think that the impact of learning to deal with that role reversal is determined by my attitude. Becoming a parent was a conscious choice. Having made that choice, most of the time I embraced the challenges of being a mother to my children. There has been little choice with this new parenting role. I can moan about it. I can resist it. I can ignore it. I can rant about it. It won't go away. Not for a while. When it does I will have lost any opportunity to come to understand the human being who gave me life.